


A Day in the Life

by MPantrochilles



Category: The Bright Sessions (Podcast)
Genre: Adam is trans, Caleb is a dork, M/M, Rated as is for the expletives but what's new for this fandom, lots and lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-11 11:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11713605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MPantrochilles/pseuds/MPantrochilles
Summary: Just moments from the lives of a superpowered teenager and his boyfriend.





	1. Something I Have To Tell You

**Author's Note:**

> So... this is my first work for the fandom and basically I just wanted to write cute scenes because how can you not with these two? I'm not really sure where this is going, whether it's going to be multichaptered or not, but it is what it is, I guess.

"Adam's coming over-"

"Alright, is he staying to eat or-"

"Actually, Mom, could you, um, give us some space?"

_There’s something I have to tell you._ That’s what Adam had said on the phone. Caleb didn’t need to be an empath to tell that he was nervous, and that space and a non-meddling family would be needed. What could he possibly have to be nervous about? Caleb was the one hiding secrets.

He is resolutely looking at the pattern on his socks, ignoring the look on his mom's face. He doesn't know what it is, but the feeling he's getting is just...warm, which is really unhelpful because most of her feelings towards her children are shrouded by that orange warmth and his own are such a fucking mess he's having trouble picking up on the finer details. He almost doesn't expect her rough hand in his and her soft smile.

"Of course, sweetheart," she tells him, and pats his cheek before grabbing her car keys and wallet.

"Alice! Get your dad!"

"Why?" Alice's shrill voice is accompanied by alarmingly blue curiosity.

"Because I said so! _Solte-_ let's go!"

Alice and his dad do appear, and his mom grabs the grocery bags- Alice is trying to argue and there's quick fire Portuguese mixing in with the loud, confused colours of emotions. Caleb is just about to shut the front door when he hears his mom talk in English.

"Hi there Adam!" She sounds cheery but there's also 'worried for Caleb' coming from her. Alice reeks of an annoying, purple smugness.

"Oh," is all she has to say as she climbs into the back of the car.

"We're just off to the shops," his mom explains to Adam, who is a weird combination of hopeful, confused and trepidatious (is that even a word? It sounds like a word. Adam would know) - and yet it's all so green.

Caleb barely even registers that his family has driven off until Adam is in front of him, on the other side of the threshold.

"Can I come in?"

Maybe his big secret is that he’s a vampire. Vampires have to ask before they enter a house right? And it would explain the whole, emo vibes thing he has going, and it wouldn’t be that weird even because Caleb has these fucking superpowers so anything’s possible, right? And Caleb _really_ needs to think like a normal person, starting now.

"Yeah- yeah come in."

Adam kicks off his shoes and puts them by Caleb's, as always, and waits for Caleb to shut the door properly because the lock mechanism is stiff, as always.

Caleb has a vague idea of what he's going to say, _how he’s going to communicate his thoughts effectively,_ but he knows if he looks at Adam it's gonna fly out of his head like Davison's teeth flew out of his in that legendary home game last year. So instead, he scuffles past his best friend and heads straight for the kitchen. He can hear Adam following him.

"Can I get you something to drink? Something to eat? I mean my mom's just gone shopping so I'm not sure what there is-"

He's mindlessly opening and closing all the cupboards. He knows exactly what there is snack wise- he and Alice keep mental inventories. Hell, Adam probably knows exactly what there is snack wise.

"Caleb," Adam says in that way that only he does, and it freezes Caleb to the spot. That, and the slightly sick-to-the-stomach panic that's building.

"I meant it," Caleb blurts out, and before he even knows what he's doing, he's walking over to Adam. "I meant every word- I like you so much it's, it's fucking paralysing-"

"There's something I have to tell you."

There it is again- _there’s something I have to tell you._ Maybe Adam’s a robot, and that’s why he keeps saying the same fucking phrase over and over because maybe Caleb broke him.

What happened to thinking like a normal person?

There's fear, and Caleb can't tell whose it is as Adam looks up at him. He's never really noticed how small Adam is, in comparison- he's just, he's just so much and his emotions are so huge- but now they're standing close its painfully obvious how he’s so slight that two of him width ways would make one Caleb. Adam's eyes are wide behind his glasses, and his gaze is flitting across Caleb's face like it's the last time he's going to look at it properly.

"Are you scared?" Caleb asks, quietly, and Adam frowns.

"Yeah, I'm fucking scared how did you-? Oh, right-"

"I couldn't tell if it was me or you." It's a shaky confession, and his voice might break if he talks any more so Caleb clams up and reaches out to take Adam's hands. Adam pulls away, and the rejection he's feeling is definitely his own- but it doesn't last long.

"Caleb, I'm trans. I'm a trans guy."

For a second, no one breathes. There's barely any movement apart from Caleb blinking at Adam as he tries to sort through the relief and the hope and the fear, still there's fear.

"I know you said you don't know if you're gay or what on the phone but if this is going to change your feelings then I'll just leave because I sure as hell am not going to put up with shit from you about being, being _different_ after the crap you pulled yesterday-"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Caleb grabs Adam's hand almost as an instinct, and the mess of colours mutes from fluorescent to pastels, and he's able to focus on words. Adam is breathing so hard you'd have thought he'd run a mile.

"Fucking, _slow down_ for a second- I'm confused."

Adam looks, and feels, incredulous (if he could hear Caleb's thoughts, he'd be proud of the adjective.)

“Are you shitting me right now?”

He’s angry, definitely angry, not only because there’s an aggressive _angry-at-Caleb_ red clouding everything but also because he’s trying to pull away from Caleb’s unconsciously tight grip.

Caleb should probably finish his what he’s going to say when he opens his mouth and not leave awkward pauses because apparently that leads to misunderstandings.

"Why would that change my feelings?"

Adam blinks owlishly behind his glasses. There's nervous yellow happiness quickly drowning out the anger, and the only way it's shown is a tiny smile.

"Really, Caleb? Transphobia is a serious issue, even amongst the queer community, how was I supposed to know what you thought when we’ve never really had that discussion before? You know, there have been studies to show how hitting your head can cause severe damage, and isn’t that like, all you football players do, so-"

The lecture is teasing and Adam’s serious tone doesn’t match the grin on his face, and Caleb is pretty sure he’s even more gone on this boy than before.

"Yeah, well, I don’t care.”  

Adam raises an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Not that I don’t care! I do because I care about you, _obviously,_ it’s just-”

Adam is very much laughing at him, even if it’s not actual laughter Caleb can _tell_ because there’s that fucking, stupidly attractive smirk, and Caleb has to refrain from scowling.

“It doesn't change the fact that you're my guy, so why does it matter?” _Fuck, backtrack! Too much!  
“_ That's, that's if you wanna be my guy?"

He has to consciously loosen his grip on Adam's hand- he can back out if he wants.

"Oh my god," Adam is actually laughing now, and he's rolling his big brown eyes at Caleb like he's the biggest idiot he's ever met- which, at this point, is likely. "Is that your way of asking me out?"

"Is that your way of saying yes?" Answering a question with another question. Always a good plan. Point to Caleb- not that it makes a difference, because he’s leagues behind Adam anyway. 

Adam gives his hand a tight squeeze, and before Caleb even knows what's happening, he's reached up on his tiptoes and kissed Caleb on the cheek.

"Yes."

The sense of victory is all-consuming, and more than he's ever felt from any football game.

"How about we head upstairs?" Adam asks, and Caleb just nods and lets himself be dragged up the stairs, their fingers still tightly intertwined. Caleb quickly decides that cloud nine has nothing on what he's feeling right now.

It's only when they're in Caleb's bedroom that Adam pulls away, and they awkwardly sit at opposite ends of the bed, facing each other. Sure, they’ve only been a thing for like, forty-five seconds, but they are a thing now and they’re both painfully aware that they are on Caleb’s bed, in his bedroom, alone in the house because his parents are out. Adam has his legs crossed, and he uses his middle finger to push his glasses up his nose, like he always does. Caleb's legs are stretched out, so he nudges Adam's knee with his foot.

"You know it looks like you're giving the world the middle finger when you do that right?"

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not," he shrugs cryptically. There's a lull in their conversation as they pretend to not be looking at each other whilst very much looking at each other, and there's nervousness tinging the happiness.

"Did I really break you're superpower?" Caleb is sure that Adam's lip bite is going to be what kills him.

"Yeah- I'll never be right again, it's a compass that points south instead of north now."

Adam must recognise that he's messing around because he rolls his eyes again and smiles. There's a spike of butterflies again. 

"Fucking asshole."

Caleb thinks for half a second before he replies.

"Yeah, but I'm your-"

"Please think about the anatomical impossibilities of what you're gonna say before you continue with that sentence. Also, it's kind of gross."

Caleb just raises an eyebrow, and Adam's horror turns to confusion.

"Wait, was that you trying to flirt with me?"

"Fucking trying is right," Caleb sighs dramatically, and Adam kicks him lightly.

Now, Caleb likes to jokingly brag about his finely tuned sense of balance and general athletic ability, just to piss Adam off, and he likes to tease Adam about how strong he is, so strong that Adam would have to throw his whole body weight at him to get him to move even an inch- but despite all this teasing and false bravado, Adam’s kick is well-timed and perfectly in sync with the moment that Caleb isn’t so steady, because he falls off the bed straight onto his ass.

The second thing he notices, after the sharp pain running up his spine, is the genuine worry coming from Adam.

“Shit, are you okay?” He’s flat out lying across the bed, his face over the edge and hands clinging to the duvet and his glasses are slipping down his nose and it’s so damn cute that Caleb can’t help but smile.

“I think you’re gonna have to kiss it better,” he suggests with a lude wiggle of his eyebrows, and it’s not smooth but it’s funny enough that it changes Adam’s worry to _exasperated-with-Caleb._

It catches Caleb by surprise, when Adam reaches out and grabs his chin, before planting a soft kiss on Caleb’s lips. Before Caleb can even register what’s happening, Adam’s leaning back and sitting against the headboard again, embarrassment the same colour as his flushed cheeks radiating from him.

“I won’t kiss your ass,” Adam grumbles, and Caleb laughs.

If cloud nine was good, he was on the fucking moon.


	2. With Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saying 'I love you' is a kinda big deal.

_With him, life was routine._

Usually, English with Adam is great. He’s concentrating, so his feelings are fairly focused, and he drowns out everyone else so Caleb is able to focus and it’s like the one hour of reprieve during his day. But today, apparently, he’s not so lucky, because there are _very distracting_ sharp spikes of red that keep popping up randomly and at first, Caleb isn’t sure if somebody else is just having _really_ strong feelings, but he quickly realises it’s Adam. Adam, who is staring straight at him.

Thankfully, the teacher tells them to turn to their partner and discuss the material they were _supposed_ to have been learning, but Caleb has been ignoring.

“Stop it,” he grits out to Adam, and there’s alarmed orange instead of- whatever the hell the red was.

“Stop what?”

“Whatever it is that you’re thinking is making you feel something weird and it’s distracting.”

“Oh, shit, sorry,” Adam says quickly, and he’s looking around at their classmates before turning back to Caleb and then down at his work. The alarm is quickly turning to embarrassment.

“No, dude, c’mon-”

“You do not get to call me _dude_ when you’ve had your tongue down my throat,” Adam sniffs, and Caleb can’t help but laugh a little.

“ _My_ dude?”

Adam lightly slaps his arm for that, but it still makes an audible _thwack_ loud enough for the teacher to hear.

“Is everything alright back there?”

There’s a few heads turned to look at them, but mostly everyone ignores them, which is a blessing because it’s keeping Adam’s panic at bay.

“Yes, sorry!” Adam squeaks out, ever the teacher’s pet, and Caleb just rolls his eyes before looking down at the page and realising he has absolutely no idea what he’s meant to be doing.

“Annotations from _with him, life was routine; without him, life was unbearable,_ to the bottom of the page, _”_ Adam helpfully supplies, pushing his glasses up his nose as he skim reads the passage again before scribbling something down in the margins.

_With him, life was routine; without him, life was unbearable._

Caleb reads the same line over and over, before finally giving in and looking at Adam. He’s frowning and biting his lip, as he does when he’s concentrating hard, but the moment is lost when he realises Caleb is looking at him and gives him a brief smile before launching into an explanation of his annotations.

“Caleb? C’mon you’re not even writing it down!” Adam has that _exasperated-with-Caleb_ feeling, mixed with the same spikes of red- _fondness,_ it suddenly hits Caleb. Adam is feeling _fond-of-Caleb._

“Sorry, sorry,” he mutters, and he quickly copies everything down as Adam continues to talk, until they’re hushed by the teacher.

_With him, life was routine._

Usually, lunch isn’t too bad. They sit outside when the weather’s nice; inside at the fringes of the cafeteria, close to a door when it’s raining. Adam sits right by Caleb’s side, grounding him with a squeeze of his hand when Caleb needs it- Adam always knows _exactly_ when he needs it, by some sort of miracle, like he’s the empath, not Caleb. Nothing in the world could convince Caleb that his boyfriend was anything less than extraordinary.

Today, it’s raining, so they’re sat inside, talking about- well, Adam is talking, Caleb got slightly distracted looking at him as he talked and now he has no idea what’s going on, because as with every conversation with Adam, the difference between one sentence and the next is a fifteen yard leap that only logically makes sense to him- and Caleb, when he’s paying attention. But the point is that he’s not.

“When did you stop listening?” Adam’s glare is accusing behind his glasses, and Caleb blushes.

“Religious concepts in Frankenstein?”

“Jesus, Caleb, that was like _years_ ago-” The _exasperated-at-Caleb_ feeling is very quickly drowned out by something at the other end of the cafeteria, and it makes Caleb’s whole body tense.

“You absolute _bitch!”_ Comes a screech, and then there’s a slam of a fist on a table.

“ _I_ wasn’t the one who sent it!” Someone else yells back, and Caleb is just trying to focus on his breathing with his eyes closed- Adam joked once that other people’s anger made Caleb ‘hulk out’- it certainly felt like that now.

“C’mon, Caleb, we have to go,” he can hear Adam’s soft voice in his ear, and his hand tugging at Caleb’s to pull him out of his seat so they can escape before everything gets _too much._

_Without him, life was unbearable._

Caleb doesn’t mean to, but he gets up too quickly, and Adam’s orange juice is right on the edge of the table, and he knocks the table which subsequently knocks the orange juice all over Adam. There’s embarrassment colouring the edges of rage, but Caleb is too hyped up to even care.

“Fuck it let’s go,” Adam grumbles, shrugging his rucksack onto his shoulder and grabbing Caleb’s before dragging his boyfriend out of the cafeteria.

The further they walk, the calmer Caleb gets, and he has to swallow down the guilt he’s feeling as he looks at Adam’s ruined shirt.

“I’m really sorry,” he mumbles, but Adam just squeezes his hand and gives him a soft smile.

“Didn’t you hear? Being drenched in food like a five year old is all the rage right now, you wait and see- Lady Gaga’s meat dress will make a re-appearance, I can _feel_ it.”

“You can _feel_ it?” Caleb mocks, and focusing on this helps minimise the guilt that’s threatening to swallow him up.

“Yup- you’re not the only one, you know,” Adam gives Caleb a _look-_ “my fortune-telling-of-fashion-trends senses are tingling.”

“Your what now?”

Adam smirks at him, and there’s that red _fond-of-Caleb_ feeling mixed in with the rest of it again.

“Ah, yes, my fortune-telling-of-fashion-trends senses,” his voice drops conspiratorially, “they come to us gays, we _know things.”_

 Caleb just rolls his eyes.

“You are the world’s _biggest_ dork,” he grumbles, and Adam laughs.

“Second only to you.”

They keep walking, without a purpose in mind really, mainly just to keep Caleb from _hulking out,_ and Caleb is reminded of Adam’s soaked through shirt.

“Come on,” he says, tugging him into the nearest restroom before Adam can protest. Caleb drops his bag, which he doesn’t really remember taking from Adam but evidently he did at some point, and starts to tug off his hoody.

“Not the most romantic of proposals, but-” Adam flippantly comments, and Caleb feels very much _exasperated-with-Adam._

“Just take of your shirt and you can wear my hoody, smart-ass.” Caleb pulls his hoody over his head, and holds it out to his boyfriend, who he only just notices is nervous.

 _Good job, Caleb,_ he grouches at himself. _Just tell your incredibly self-conscious boyfriend to strip in a public bathroom, great idea._

“I won’t look,” he promises sincerely, and Adam takes the jumper from him. “I’ll turn around and keep the door shut with my foot.” No one wants to try and change in a cubicle. They’re grim.  

Caleb dutifully turns, and he can feel Adam’s embarrassment. It makes him want to turn around, hug him close, but he stays facing the door with his foot against it so he’ll know if anyone tries to push it open, and then he can tell them to fuck off. Not that anyone will, because they’re probably all too busy watching the cat-fight in the cafeteria. Or at some sort of club- the theatre group gets together on Thursdays, he’s pretty sure.

Caleb honestly doesn’t mean to, but he looks to the left a little, and catches sight of Adam in the mirror. He’s dropped his shirt to the ground, and is in the process of pulling Caleb’s hoody over his head, but Caleb barely notices any of that because he’s just fixated on the dark scars running across Adam’s chest.  

He knew he’d gone into hospital for top surgery over the summer ( _without him, life was unbearable_ )- but it was very different _knowing_ something and _seeing_ it- because the scars looked painful.

Caleb should have been there. He should have been a better friend, or boyfriend, or whatever, and stayed and checked up on Adam better to make sure he was okay-

 _You kind of know he’s a little better,_ a small voice at the back of his head reminds him, and weirdly, it sounds like Dr Bright. The voice has a point- Adam doesn’t feel that awful, uncomfortable feeling that he’d told Caleb was called _dysphoria,_ any more.

When he does feel it, Caleb is there to talk about it, or not talk about it, whatever Adam wants.

He looks away again before Adam can catch him. He wasn’t meant to be looking anyway.

“Alright you can turn around now,” Adam’s voice is small, and there’s flashing nervousness and embarrassment all over the place. Caleb feels like he’s moving ridiculously slowly, like you would if you didn’t want to disturb a bunny rabbit, or weren’t trying to catch the attention of a lion, or this was a movie and the big dumb _I love you_ realisation.

But, Caleb thinks, that realisation came a long time ago. For him, anyway. Sometimes, he isn’t so sure about Adam, because everything is just so damn _green._

“Stop smiling like that.”

“Like what? I wasn’t smiling like anything!”

“Yeah, you were.” Adam folds his arms across his chest and the sleeves of Caleb’s hoody flop over his hands because it’s just so big- it reaches half way down his thighs, practically. It’s really, _really_ cute.

“I promise I wasn’t,” Caleb holds his hands up, like he’s surrendering. “You look-”

“Like an idiot, I know,” Adam interrupts before Caleb even has time to finish. His scowl is even endearing.

It takes three strides for Caleb to reach Adam, and wrap him up in his arms. Caleb doesn’t think Adam even realises he’s doing it as he stretches up to hug Caleb back.

“I was _gonna_ say, before I was so rudely interrupted,” Caleb’s stalling a little, and he knows it, “that you look like the best thing I ever saw.”

There’s that red _fondness_ and pink _embarrassment_ as Adam blushes.

“You’re a fuckin’ idiot, you know that?”

“Yeah, but I’m _your_ idiot,” Caleb lets his hands slide down and gives Adam’s waist a squeeze, which makes him jolt slightly, and the surprise turns to exasperation and the scowl is back.

“You need a new line.”

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.”

Adam gives him a _look_ that Caleb still can’t quite place, and then wrinkles his nose distastefully.

“We’re still in the men’s room.”

“We should go.”

“Yeah, yeah we should.”

_Without him, life was unbearable._

Usually, when Adam’s there, football is _great._ Caleb can feel him, everyone’s excited, it’s so good when they make a good play and because Adam’s been slowly reading up on the sport (even though he’ll never admit it, but Caleb went with him to return his books to the library and saw a strategy one in the pile) there’s that extra spike of _pride_ coming from him, and Caleb could ride on that high all day.

The other advantage of having Adam there is that Caleb knows a split second in advance when he’s going to get hit, because there’s a scream of _panic_ and _worried for Caleb_ that is very distinctly Adam.

So it’s not exactly a surprise when the other team’s largest member runs straight into him and knocks him over, but it still hurts like a bitch.

He falls, and it feels like his brains are rattling around in his head, and there’s a shooting pain up his forearm, and over all the _shock_ and _confusion_ and slight _guilt,_ there’s a distinctly branded _panic_ from Adam.

The next thing he knows, he’s off the field and in the changing room, and the school nurse is there bandaging his hand up- it’s just sprained, as the coach is trying to talk to him.

“Michaels? Michaels can you hear me? Am I making any sense?”

Caleb was sure he replied, but the coach asks the questions again. This time, he concentrates on opening his mouth, but whatever he said must not make much sense.

“What?”

“Jesus that kid hit you hard- Michaels you have a concussion-”

“I’m gonna be sick.” He lurches to the side, and the nurse hands him a bucket, but nothing comes up. Just nauseous then. Concussion maybe?

There's disgust coming from… somewhere, Caleb can’t _actually_ tell, it’s like the emotions he’s feeling are detached from the people he’s looking at. It’s like motion sickness, the eyes and ears sending conflicting signals, making you feel dizzy and-

“I can play still, coach, I’m _fine_ -” He trips on his own feet as he tries to get up, and lands on his ass again. That makes the headache worse. Everyone ignores him.

“You got him, Delilah? I gotta keep the game going-”

The coach leaves.

“Let me see him!” _Panic._ Adam. Green. Green green green green _green._

“Janette-”

“Adam.” His voice is low and angry, and there’s that _skin-crawling_ feeling that both of them _hate-_  

“Adam?” Caleb hates how _pitiful_ he sounds, but it does the trick.

“Caleb!” Adam is next to him in an instant, his hands in Caleb’s, and the only way Caleb can think to describe it is like when watching a movie in 3D, and everything comes back into focus when you put the glasses on again after seeing doubles and overlays without them.

_Without him, life was unbearable._

“My head really fuckin’ hurts.”

“Yeah no shit,” Adam’s sarcasm would have been more effective if there wasn’t so much _worry._

“I can feel you, stop being so worried-” He’s not really paying attention to anything, but Adam’s looking at the nurse who’s looking at them weird but then she leaves because she’s on the phone, as far as Caleb can tell. Nothing is really very clear, at all.

“Shut up, Caleb, not here, very public space, hush.”

“It’s just us though?” Adam’s taken his hands out of Caleb’s, and the headache starts pounding.

“No, Caleb, there are people.”

“Take my hand again please.” He has to close his eyes because light kind of hurts.

“No, no no no, no don’t you go unconscious Caleb are you awake?”

“Light hurts.”

One hand is on Caleb’s cheek, and the other is in his hands and it’s like being doused in cold water when it’s too hot. 

“Are there flashing lights?”

“No.”

“That’s good, that’s good, and you’re not bleeding or leaking spinal fluid or passed out so that’s good-”

Adam’s really good at looking after Caleb. He makes sure he’s okay when he injures himself, he stops him from _hulking out,_ he plays video games and watches musicals with him and he’s just so _nice._

Nice isn’t the right word. It’s not big enough.

“ _Without him, life was unbearable.”_

“You what?”

“That’s…that’s what it says in the book…the…in English-”

“To Kill a Mockingbird? You’re quoting _To Kill a Mockingbird_? Now? Jesus, how hard did he hit you?”

“I love you.”

Adam is very still for a second, or a minute, could be an hour, and stops fussing before he swallows hard and blinks a couple of times.

“Caleb-”

“No, no I love _you,”_ Caleb says, and the emphasis is kind of on the wrong word but he’s still getting his point across, right?

“I love you too,” Adam whispers, and Caleb might’ve missed it if he didn’t lean forward because his sense of balance is fairly precarious right now.

“That’s good.”

“I suppose it is.”

Then there’s more people in the room, but it’s okay because that red feeling is back. It’s not _fond-of-Caleb._ It’s _loving-Caleb_ and that’s a million times better.


	3. It's A Lot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weekend that Caleb goes to Adam's and his parents are away.
> 
> (warning- slightly explicit section for those who don't want to read it)

There's a mellow, yellow content kind of feeling coming from the kitchen. He can't hear, or smell anything- it's just he knows that's where Adam went. It's just them in the house but it's not as if that's too much of an issue. For Caleb, anyway. He should ask Adam- but the amount of kisses he's gotten since he arrived suggests that Adam doesn't mind too much.

 _Just talk to him,_ Dr Bright had said on the phone. Like that was the easiest thing in the world to do.

The yellow changes to orange, something more excited, and curiosity gets the better of Caleb so he ventures downstairs from the game room to the kitchen- he can smell the pizza, and hear the radio going. Adam's only been down there for a minute, but there's music on because in every second he's not studying, there's noise. He's talking to himself, or Caleb, or the TV's on, or the radio or anything to fill the silence that distracts his mind from itself. He says he likes being focused, likes thinking with purpose, and background noise helps if he's not going in a particular direction. Caleb can empathise (the irony is not lost on him) with the liking focus bit, but not so much the background stimulus- he likes the singular focus that comes with Adam, drowning out the noise.

It's the same Spanish music channel that Caleb's mum puts on in the car which Adam has taken a weird liking to, and Caleb loves to tease him about, and he's about to open his mouth to do just that when he turns the corner from the hallway and every coherent thought just leaves his head.

Adam is dancing. Not shyly like that one time they went to a party as "an experiment" (Adam's words, not Caleb's) but like properly, full out, rolling his hips dancing and it's almost a salsa or a samba but Caleb couldn't remember how to spell his own name let alone tell you what kind of dance his boyfriend is doing if you asked him. And it's a new colour that he's getting from Adam, blue as the fucking sky, and it takes Caleb a moment to realise that he feels free- like he's entirely un-self-conscious, if that's even a word. It's mesmerising and the music is still going and Caleb is just standing there, watching like a creep. Or maybe it's not so creepy. No, he's allowed to appreciate his boyfriend, that's fine. That's totally fine.

His feet move him forward before he's even sure of what he's doing, like when he leans in for a kiss and it's just an instinct that he doesn't want to control or think about in case he fucks it up, so his brain doesn't catch up until it's too late and he's got his hands on Adam's hips and Adam jumps out of his skin with surprise- and the orange and blue is turning to a deep, embarrassed pink with surprise fringing the edges but he's not sure if he can describe that colour properly.

"Caleb what the fuck?" Adam scolds, but he doesn't pull away from his touch. In fact, he stays incredibly still, like he's afraid to move or break this moment. Caleb can't help the smirk that slides onto his lips.

"You gotta roll your hips more when you step forward."

"What?" Adam turns to look at him like he's grown another head. The music comes back into focus, and there's an awkward moment as Caleb gets a hold of the beat, but then he has it and he nudges Adam's foot forward with his own, and uses his hands to guide his hips. He, daringly, even pushes his hips against Adam’s as he moves so Adam can feel what he’s doing as he dances.

"When you step, you roll your hips as you push into the ground," his voice is low as he leans down to talk into Adam's ear. It takes him a second to realise what Caleb's talking about, that's a muddy brown sort of confusion, and anyone could probably hear the cogs turning in Adam's brain from a mile away, telepath or not, but he catches on quickly, as always, and they're dancing together like this is some shitty fan fiction.

Not that Caleb's read fan fiction. It's just Adam is a nerd who likes to read everything he can get his hands on, and the internet is a weird place.

He had been pretty cagey and super embarrassed about it though, when Caleb opened his laptop and the tab was still up. Unnecessarily embarrassed- like, Caleb doesn't care if he likes to read shit literature or not, whatever- he does what he wants in his spare time. 

Caleb is pulled out of his little thought vortex as Adam speaks- the colours have muted, and the confusion is gone, the pink embarrassment is there slightly, but the orange excitement is back- though this time it feels different to earlier. Nervous, maybe? But why?

"I didn't know you could dance properly." Adam is looking at their feet, but Caleb can still see the blush on his cheeks.

"I didn't know you could dance so well," Caleb counters, and this actual-flirting, instead of weird-intellectual-flirting or failed-funny-messing-around-flirting, comes with a weird colour and the butterflies are back, but he kinda likes it.

Adam snorts and shakes his head, and the song stops in place of ads and so they stop as well. There's a tense moment when neither of them want to move and are suddenly extremely aware of how close they've gotten- Adam is basically pressed up against Caleb so there's barely a millimeter of space between their bodies, and Caleb's mind immediately jumps to the party where Harrison and his girlfriend were dancing, or more grinding but that counts as dancing (right?), which lead to some much less innocent moves on the dance floor that really no one wanted to see, and he breathes in really sharply to get everything back under control just as the timer for pizza goes off.

Thankfully, and yet regrettably, Adam pulls away.

"I got it!"

Caleb tries to make his collapse against the marble counter look purposeful and graceful, but he's pretty sure he's failed. Not that Adam's noticed, he's pulling pizza trays out of the oven and seems to be concentrating very hard on pushing away a feeling- frustration? It's red, but not angry and it's like Adam's trying not to think about it but the more he thinks the more he can't stop and _that’s_ an odd feeling.

"Are you okay?" Caleb asks, and it's a small achievement but he feels proud that his voice didn't break and he doesn't sound out of breath.

"Who, me? Yeah I'm all good," Adam says like he's trying to be nonchalant but has forgotten the definition (because there's no way he didn't know the definition)- he even adds a 'pfffft' at the end as he kicks the oven door shut and puts the pizza tray on the stove. Adam double checks he's turned the oven off properly before pulling off his oven gloves.

They don't talk as Adam slices up the pizza and puts it on plates for them to take back up to the games room, but the radio is still on so it's not entirely too awkward.

Caleb shouldn't have come downstairs, he made it weird.

Adam turns off the radio and leads the way up the stairs, sneaking glances at Caleb like he has something to say and doesn't know how to say it.

They sit in the games room, and Adam sits across from him cross legged so Caleb copies as well as he can on the too small couch with his too large limbs, but he doesn't watch Adam like Adam's watching him, he just focuses on eating his pizza.

"That was the first even remotely sexual thing you've instigated," Adam says, like he's commenting on the weather.

Caleb chokes on his mouthful of pizza.

Adam gives him a moment to stop coughing and swallow, before he starts talking again. Caleb puts the pizza down, just in case.

"Like I wondered do physical feelings come into play too? Have you been worried about that? Is that why you pull away when we-" Adam falters, like his inquisitive brain is taken over by his awkward teenage boy brain.

This is why he called Dr B. Caleb has been worried about...physical things, and that's why he pulls away before anyone gets too worked up and there's some awkward bike rides home, or someone feels rejected or whatever if they can't...continue.

He realises after a minute he hasn't actually said any of this out loud, and Adam doesn't have any superpowers apart from the ability to break his, so he has no idea what Caleb is thinking.

"Yeah," he croaks out, and then clears his throat at Adam's expression- left eyebrow perfectly arched; as it always is when he's particularly unimpressed by Caleb's in-eloquence (is that a word?). It's kind of attractive- he's getting side tracked.

"Yeah, I've, err, been wondering about that stuff, and, um," he takes a deep breath. "I don't wanna lead you on, or whatever, and then have to pull out," Adam snorts and Caleb gives him a withering glare before continuing, "and then have to stop," Caleb corrects himself, "if it gets too much, for me, I mean- that's not fair on you."

Caleb doesn't know when he looked down, but when he looks back up Adam's lips have gone from smirking to frowning. Caleb very quickly identifies the emotion coming from his boyfriend as _concern._

"What? Why are you feeling that- why are you _concerned_?"

"You know I won't mind if you want to stop at any point right?" Adam does not try to mask his feelings. "That's- that's totally fine, you wanting to stop, at any point whenever, you just gotta say. That's like, the basic rules of consent-"

"Yeah, _I know_ , okay?" Caleb doesn't mean to snap, but he also doesn't want Adam to think he's, who knows, got to be treated in an ultra-special way.

"Same goes for you," he mumbles, and Adam's got that soft yellow fondness that he has and he's giving Caleb that smile that makes him a little weak at the knees.

"I know."

"Can we go back to eating our pizza now and just finish the game, or something?" Caleb isn't about to admit that he's begging to stop this awkward conversation, but he's begging. Adam has a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Oh, look at me, I'm Caleb the oxymoron personified, I'm an empath that can't talk about feelings." His impression is terrible. Awful. The worst Caleb’s ever heard. He doesn’t even talk like that.

 _You use far more expletives,_ his subconscious chimes in, and weirdly, it sounds like Dr Bright. He’s not going to dwell on that. 

Caleb glares at Adam as he chomps down on his pizza slice.

"Fuck you," he says around a mouthful, though it's barely intelligible, and Adam's smile just grows.

"Ask nicely and I will."

Caleb isn't sure if he's going to survive the rest of today.

They do finish their pizza, and the level of the video game, and while Adam takes their plates down to tidy up, Caleb runs to the bathroom.

He's got that little line between his eyebrows that Adam pokes and teases him about because it's such a clear indicator that he's nervous. _It’s like I can read your mind, for once._ Why the fuck is he nervous? It’s just Adam. They can talk. Like Dr Bright said on the phone. That’s fine.

He washes out his mouth and wipes his face, and the little worry line is there but, less so, so it'll have to do.

Adam is already in the games room when Caleb gets there. He's sitting on the couch, looking expectantly up at Caleb; green curiosity rolling off him in waves as Caleb chews is lip so hard it hurts. Caleb cautiously sits down on the edge of the couch, gripping the cushion with his hands. He feels like Alice in 'Alice in wonderland', which his sister loved as a kid, in the scene where she's stuck in the house because she's too big. He feels too big for the space he's in- he'd like to be Adam sized right about now.

Adam just waits for him to talk.

"You think we could try?"

"Try what?" Adam's not being annoying, he's genuinely asking so that they stay on the same page.

" _You know_ ," Caleb tries not to growl in his frustration, but it's there anyway, and Adam doesn't even seem to be daring to breathe from what Caleb can see out of the corner of his eye. He can't tell if the nervousness is yellow or blue or green. Probably green.

"Do you think we could try, a bit more?" He finally bites out, and there's a little flutter in his chest that very much feels like a _yay!_ that's not his own.

"Yup, okay, definitely, that is one hundred percent fine by me." The words tumble out of Adam's mouth, and before Caleb can properly relax, Adam leans over to give him a kiss- on the cheek. The little shit.

"Oi-"

"So you wanna keep playing?" Adam says, grabbing his controller and pressing start and before Caleb has time to even process what's happening, Adam is miles ahead of him.

"You fucker!"

They play for a while, and Adam is so focused his feelings are pretty much solely on the game, so Caleb can concentrate too, but at some point Adam had gotten so close he was almost in Caleb's lap, and it was driving him nuts because every now and again his heart would thump-thump-thump really fast at random points and then die down again and it was making Caleb lose.

Maybe that's how he was ultimately going to win out today.

He pauses the game, and before Adam can protest too much, Caleb takes his face in his hands so Adam's looking at him.

"Please, please can I kiss you?"

"Oh, how nice that you asked- umph!" Adam's smart ass reply is cut off by Caleb's lips on his, soft and insistent and desperate, like Adam's kisses are the air he needs to breathe. Adam drops his controller and his hands immediately reach for something to grab- they land on Caleb's biceps, and he's gripping tight like he doesn't want to ever let go and that is a _good_ feeling.

Caleb's hands wander from Adam's face to the back of his neck to down his sides, where they settle on his hips, and Adam leans forward into the touch. There's some nervousness, but mostly excitement from both of them, and this is familiar territory- this Caleb knows he can deal with.

When Caleb pulls away, Adam's as breathless as he is, and Caleb is grinning from ear to ear as he leans his forehead against Adam's. Adam's hands are moving up and down Caleb's arms, and venture a little bit further across every time he reaches Caleb's shoulders.

"You are, unbelievable," Adam murmurs, and Caleb preens at the feeling of awe. It's more than a little narcissistic, but whatever it feels nice and right now that is top priority. He doesn't feel so out-of-place-huge, he just feels like Caleb.

"You're pretty great too," he says, squeezing Adam's hip, and Adam's indignant look is too cute to be legal.

"You get 'unbelievable' and I get 'pretty great'? How is that fair?"

"Meathead, vocabulary, bad," Caleb grunts like a cave man, and Adam swats his chest, though he's laughing pretty hard.

"In all seriousness, I think you're- you're really… handsome," Caleb says, and he can't tell who's embarrassment is who's once the words have left his mouth, but something's made him brave so he keeps talking. He brushes the fringe out of Adam's eyes, and lets his hand linger a little.

"Not like, a magazine kind of way, but like a museum art piece sort of way. Like I could stare at you for hours, and still, at the end of it, notice something new and beautiful." He trails off a little at the end, whatever confidence he had has left him, but there's an overwhelming (in a good way) feeling of _love_ coming from Adam. Before he can talk again, ask if it was too much, Adam is kissing him all over, his mouth, his cheeks, along his jaw bone, down his neck and back again, and Caleb is so distracted by that he doesn't notice Adam has climbed onto his lap until he tightens his grip only to find he's digging into Adam's thighs, not his hips.

Adam makes a small sound at the back of his throat, and Caleb's brain short circuits and he forgets how to breathe. He pulls away and immediately there's grey worry.

"Sorry, sorry, too much, I can-"

Caleb pushes Adam's thighs down so he stays put in Caleb's lap.

" _Fuck_ , no- it's just- that was really hot." His voice is a lot deeper, which is new. Adam's eyes widen a little, and he swallows, hard. Caleb's eyes focus on his lips, which are red and kiss swollen and he's not really felt the feeling so clearly from another person, but he's pretty sure Adam is... aroused is an Old People word but Caleb can't think of a better one.

"Oh."

Caleb snickers, and so Adam chooses to exact his revenge by knotting his fingers in Caleb's hair and kissing him senseless. Caleb does not mind at all, and allows his hands to wander to the base of Adam's t-shirt. Caleb lets his fingers trail up Adam's spine slightly and then dip under his shirt to touch the bare skin.

Adam pulls back from the kiss and _actually whimpers_ \- a sound that Caleb decides is potentially lethal, but what a way to go.

He trails his fingers over Adam's bare skin, hoping to elicit the sound again, but instead there's a quiet moan, and Adam's whole body arches so he ends up grinding down on Caleb.

"Oh fuck," Caleb groans, and his head drops backwards. He's so turned on (they're so turned on? He can't tell anymore and he doesn't care) that the grey worry Adam's feeling is barely even invading the edges of the deep, dark red.

"Are you okay?" Adam asks, and he does sound genuinely concerned but he shifts forward in trying to get Caleb to look at him and Caleb is very much regretting wearing jeans this tight. His head drops forward, and he moans again into the soft skin between Adam's neck and his shoulder, and his hands grope at Adam's ass.

Caleb nods and kisses whatever skin he can reach, hoping Adam gets the message.

It's a lot, but it feels so, _so_ good.

Adam rolls his hips again, and again, and he moans and Caleb is pretty sure his head is going to explode because it's so much and it's so good and the only word he seems to be able to manage is "fuck".

He’s trying really fucking hard not to move his hips. It might be a bit much.

Adam has his hands cupping Caleb’s face, and he experimentally tugs at Caleb’s bottom lip with his teeth, which causes a fairly embarrassing sound to escape Caleb but he doesn’t really care. Adam is slowly kissing down Caleb’s neck, and it’s when he sucks at Caleb’s pulse point that Caleb has to push Adam’s hips back and pull away.

"Oh god," he whines, and he's so glad Adam has stopped because there's going to be an embarrassingly early, sticky mess if he didn't. They’ve barely even done anything, and he’s not like some pre-pubescent twit, but it’s-

"Too much?" Adam asks gently, and Caleb nods so hard his neck might snap.

"So good, really good, just-"

"A lot?"

"We should, um, build up to, to-"

“Yeah,” Adam agrees, and Caleb is so grateful that he just, gets it. “I mean the first time we have sex I’d prefer it if we weren’t clothed. And on a bed.”

“Oh my god,” Caleb stutters out, and his brain is going off like a fireworks display with all the different emotions.

Adam’s expression is positively _gleeful_. He feels so damn _pleased_ with himself, for reducing Caleb to such an utter mess, the asshole.

“I’ll get you some water, and we can cool it off for a bit, yeah?”

The only things Caleb can do are nod, and feel grateful that his boyfriend is so understanding.

Doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss it when he gets off his lap and leaves the room.

Caleb runs a hand over his face and through his hair- he must look like a mess right now. He’s finding it hard to care.

When Adam comes back, there’s two glasses of water, and he hands Caleb one and watches intently as he drinks, annoyingly from the other end of the sofa.

“Could you,” Caleb’s voice breaks a little and he hates that so he has to start over. He sounds completely _wrecked_ , and they barely did anything. “Could you sit closer- like, err, you know how I said about, um, you holding my hand makes things easier? Could we-”

“Caleb,” Adam shifts a little closer and his tone is teasing. “Are you asking to _cuddle_ without saying the word _cuddle?_ ”

“Maybe.” Caleb’s not sure how this is going to work, but it’s worth a shot. Adam usually grounds him, like an earth wire, when everything gets a bit too much, but if Adam’s the source of _a bit too much,_ then does it still work? All he knows, is he needs Adam to be there.

Adam chuckles and puts his glass down on the coffee table in front of them, and takes Caleb’s too before curling up into his side, putting Caleb’s arms around him and taking his hand in his.

“Better?” He asks, looking up at Caleb through his eyelashes, and Caleb’s breath hitches. The mellow, yellow kind of contentment is back.

“Yeah, yeah that’s good.”


	4. Safe House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment alone.

Caleb has been sent to their room for the evening, because really being with everyone else is distinctly not helpful to anyone. Also, he can’t actually look at Damien. His swollen face. Potentially broken nose. Clothes stained red as well as the rest of the furniture.

It’s just a reminder of what a monster he is.

“Caleb? Can I come in?” Adam’s voice is so calm, so quiet, just like him, and Caleb doesn’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse because _why isn’t he scared?_

“Yeah sure,” he mumbles back, and he doesn’t look at Adam when he walks in, just at his bandaged hands. _How did he fuck up so badly?_ He can hear Adam’s docs squeaking against the wood floor as he makes his way over to Caleb, but it’s only when Adam actually kneels down in front of Caleb that he dares to look at him. Because Adam’s _worried,_ but he’s not _worried-because-of-Caleb_ it’s _worried-for-Caleb._

Adam gently takes Caleb’s hands in his, and Caleb feels like he’s going to burst into tears any second.

“I love you, Adam, you know that, right?” He hates the way his voice is straining and hoarse, but he _needs_ to tell him. Adam needs to know that Caleb won’t hurt him- even though he’s the one that was convinced of it in the first place, and maybe this is really about Caleb convincing himself-

“I know. I love you too, Caleb.”

And he can feel it. Right down to his core- that unmistakeable _red,_ which is so much and yet not enough at all times, and Caleb could get drunk on that feeling-

“What are you doing?” Adam’s hands have left his, and he’s undoing Caleb’s laces and slowly prying off Caleb’s shoes and socks.

There’s red-brown flecks staining the white toes of the converse, and it makes Caleb feel sick.

“Helping you get ready for bed.” It’s so innocently helpful, so _kind_ that Caleb chokes out a sob, which Adam hears and in response gently leans over to kiss Caleb’s bandaged hand. Like his hands are something that deserve to be kissed, not, not _weapons_ that have seriously hurt someone.

“No,” Caleb manages, and immediately Adam pulls away. Because he always respects what Caleb wants, or doesn’t want, and there’s always a tiny twinge of _gratefulness,_ which Caleb _still_ doesn’t get but it makes him dizzy all the same. Adam sits back on his knees, looking up at Caleb like he’s waiting for him to tell him what he needs. That’s not how this works. Caleb, Caleb doesn’t _deserve_ to be looked after like this, to be loved like this when _he’s_ the one who caused all of the problems today that made everything go to shit.

Well, worse shit than before.

Caleb hasn’t spoken for ages, he’s just been staring at Adam, who’s still kneeling in front of him on the cold floor like he doesn’t have better places to be-

“Get up, please just, get up.” Adam does, but he hesitates before sitting down on the bed, like he doesn’t know if he can, like he’s giving Caleb space, a choice, why is _he_ the one getting to make choices?

Caleb stands, so he’s barely an inch from Adam, and Adam keeps his eyes on Caleb’s at all times and once more Caleb is acutely aware of how much bigger he is than his boyfriend- and he hates it. He hates how huge he is, how much scope that gives for him to _hurt_ someone, to hurt _Adam,_ even if he doesn’t mean to he could, just by laying a hand on him-

“Caleb, breathe with me,” Adam’s voice filters into his brain at some point, and calm is injected straight into the centre of the panic that was starting to build as Adam places his hands on Caleb’s chest, right over his heart.

Why is Adam still here, looking after Caleb? How can he fuck up so bad, that Adam is looking after him when really, he needs to be looking after Adam, showing him that he can be good?

_But you’re a monster._

He leans down, and his bandaged fingers tip up Adam’s chin, silently asking for a kiss. Adam has to lean up onto his tiptoes a bit, but he obliges all the same, and kisses Caleb. It’s soft, and sweet, and Caleb just wants him to know that he can still be those things, he can still be gentle.

_But you’re a monster._

Caleb let’s his hands drop to Adam’s waist, and he kind of desperately tugs at the hem of his shirt as well as he can until Adam gets the point and breaks the kiss so he can pull his shirt over his head.

This is still relatively new, Adam easily letting Caleb see him like this, and _fuck,_ Caleb should have properly asked if this was okay first, if Adam didn’t mind, because he doesn’t just want Adam to be doing things just because _Caleb_ wants him to-

“It’s okay, Caleb, it’s okay,” he coos, running his hands over Caleb’s arms, down to his hands and up again, and all Caleb can do is swallow thickly and nod. How is Adam so, so _understanding?_

Caleb barely notices that Adam has tugged his t-shirt up over his stomach until he has to raise his arms and take it off the rest of the way himself. He can do this, he can do what Adam wants, what he tells him to do, that works, he can be what Adam needs him to be, that’s _fine._

Adam’s _nervous,_ standing shirtless in front of Caleb, defiantly not crossing his arms over his chest and just letting Caleb _look_ \- look at the dark scars running across his chest, and the thin one running down the side of his stomach- _fuck._ Caleb gently runs his fingers over that scar, the one that he’s only just learned the true story behind, and it’s only then that he notices the tiny nicks in other places that could be mistaken for insect bites, or scratches if you weren’t really paying attention, but are so _obviously_ purposeful now that Caleb’s looking at them properly, and it’s like a punch to the gut.

“Will you,” his throat closes up before he can finish his sentence, and Adam just waits patiently for him to finish. “Will you lie down with me?”

There’s _relief_ , coming from Adam, as there always is when Caleb doesn’t reject him (of course he wouldn’t reject him, he would never _ever_ reject Adam) and he’s quickly undoing the belt on his jeans and shimmying out of them before he lies back, because he absolutely _hates_ wearing outdoor clothes inside, especially in his bed which is meant to be _clean_ for him to sleep in, and so Caleb does the same and soon the both of them are just lying next to each other in their boxers, facing each other.

“I would- I would _never_ hurt you,” Caleb whispers, and he _hates_ how much it sounds like a question.

“No, Caleb, you’d never hurt me.”

Adam strokes his hand over Caleb’s cheeks, wiping away what’s left of the tear tracks as best as he can. Caleb gave up on washing his face and bothering hours ago, because it’s like as soon as he does something else sets him off, and he may as well just let the tears burn his skin.

Adam leans over and gently kisses Caleb, and it’s not much more than pressing their lips together but it lights a fire in Caleb that quickly spreads, and soon he’s kissing Adam like his life depended on it, but it’s not like he’s _taking,_ like they usually end up doing when things get to…more, it’s _giving,_ and he just let’s Adam take charge and kiss him. Because he’s not threatening and he’s not over-powering and he _trusts_ Adam.

When he pulls away he’s gasping, and Adam just stays there for a moment, leaning his forehead against Caleb’s and they’re breathing each other’s air and Caleb thinks of all their moments, this is the moment he’s felt is the most intimate, because really, he feels the most vulnerable.

“Can I show you?”

“Show me what?” Adam frowns, like his brain is addled from just kissing Caleb, which is _unbelievable,_ really, and Caleb leans down to plant butterfly kisses just below Adam’s jaw line.

“Let me show you.” He punctuates each word with kisses, though he doesn’t roll Adam over, or push him to the side so he can lie on top because he doesn’t want to use his strength, his size, to make Adam do something he doesn’t want to do.

_I am not a monster._

“Caleb?”

“I would never hurt you,” Caleb mutters into the hollow of Adam’s throat before wriggling down slightly so his face is more level with Adam’s chest.

“Okay,” is all Adam has to say, and before Caleb can protest, he rolls over to lie on his back, and tugs at Caleb’s arm until he gets the hint and lies flat on his stomach between Adam’s legs. Caleb leans up on his elbows, so even like this he’s not actually touching Adam.

But Adam’s just so _calm;_ he’s not scared of Caleb hovering over him, he doesn’t feel _threatened,_ he feels-

He feels safe.

It’s like a slap across the face- but a good one?

Because Adam feels _safe,_ and he _trusts_ Caleb, and despite everything he-

Adam strokes a hand over Caleb’s hair, and down his face until Caleb can lean his cheek into Adam’s palm.

“I love you,” Adam tells him, _again,_ and a sob escapes Caleb before he can say anything, so he just leans over and kisses Adam’s shoulder. And across his collarbones and down his sternum, because even if his voice isn’t working that not the fucking _point_ right now. Even if it did, even though he knows he should say it back, and he should because it’s true he does love Adam, the only thing he’d be able to ask would be _why?_

Adam’s breath hitches as Caleb traces his lips across the scars across his ribs, and he lets his fingers trace over Adam’s side, and he can feel _so much_ coming from Adam, and it’s _so much_ that he can’t really filter through it and it’s like his head and his heart are about to burst, but that’s _fine_ because this isn’t about _him-_

“Caleb-” He can hear Adam’s voice, but it’s like he’s underwater and he can’t _focus_ and he can’t _breathe-_

“Caleb, please-”

He’s making his way across Adam’s stomach, kissing every tiny scar he can reach, and Adam’s hands are resting lightly on top of his-

“Caleb _stop!”_ Adam’s sharp tone makes Caleb look up, and he’s expecting _anger,_ or _fear,_ but his head is so _loud_ he can’t feel anything, _fuck-_

“I’m fine, you didn’t hurt me, I’m okay,” Adam’s wiping away tears Caleb didn’t realise were falling, “but you gotta stop- you’re shaking.”

Caleb looks to his hands, and no matter how hard he tried they just wouldn’t _stop._

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”

 “I’ve got you, no need to be sorry, I’ve got you.” Adam sat up at some point, so Caleb’s head was resting in his lap, and he was holding Caleb’s hands, running his thumbs across the rough bandages. “I’m here, sweetheart I’ve got you.”

But _why?_

Adam’s hands did not leave Caleb’s, and Caleb could feel rather than hear him humming, a small, low vibration against his cheek.

He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but Adam broke the relative quiet.

“You know what we should do?” Adam’s voice was light, hopeful, like Caleb wasn’t sobbing on him and they weren’t in a no-longer-safe-safe-house and there weren’t any secret government organisations out to get them and Caleb hadn’t just beaten the living daylights out of a man.

“What?” It wasn’t really a response to the question, more of a reaction to it.

“We should go to the zoo. Or the aquarium. I think it would be fun- did you know that flat fish are born symmetrical, but their eyes move to one side of their body as they grow?”

Caleb opened and closed his mouth, like a fish. _What the hell_?

“I didn’t.”

“Well, now you do.”

“Adam-”

“You know, actually those are a pain, too many people- oh! We could go to that library- you know that _huge_ one downtown and we can spend the whole day there- find the comfiest seats in the sci-fi section because you love it-”

“Adam-”

Something about the way Caleb says his name makes Adam stop, and he looks at Caleb with such fierce… _emotion_ (but _what?_ ) that it feels like there’s a hole being burned into his very soul.

“You are still _my_ Caleb,” Adam reminds him, and his voice is low, dangerous, like he’s trying to scare the demons out of Caleb’s mind. “You are still _Caleb_ , who is strong and gentle and kind and brilliant and nothing can change that. _Nothing.”_

“Why are you still here?” Caleb sounds more accusatory than he meant to, and he can feel Adam’s _surprise,_ his _indigence,_ and he’s really expecting a sarcastic reply like-

_Well, my boyfriend and his friends have weird super powers and like an idiot I followed him into the depths of a mess that I, a high schooler, am not equipped to deal with so really, I can’t leave._

He doesn’t get that. It’s almost worse-

“You’re always there to help me up when I fall, so I’ll be here for you.”

It’s immediate, and soft and sincere and it feels like he’s being torn in two and _kill them with kindness_ has a whole new meaning, now.

“I don’t deserve you,” Caleb mumbles into Adam’s lap, and he can feel Adam shrug because Adam can’t do one thing without moving the rest of him.

“What a pair we make, hm?” Adam asks no one in particular, leaning back on the head board. “We feel the same things and yet we never manage to say them until it’s after they should be said.”

That earns a wet laugh from Caleb, and the little burst of _victory_ coming from Adam is almost too much to handle.

“Well, really we shouldn’t get to choose what we deserve- if we did, most religions would crumble, I think.”

“You’re probably right.” Caleb can’t really help the smile tugging at his lips.

“There he is, my beautiful boy,” Adam mutters, swiping a thumb over Caleb’s jaw. He wiggles his legs slightly, and Caleb rolls over until they’re back where they started, lying down facing each other.

 It doesn’t take long for Caleb to start to drift off, with the quietness of Adam’s emotions lulling him to sleep, and the events of the day finally taking their toll.

“Perhaps we should have been given kinder beginnings,” Adam whispers, as Caleb’s breathing evens out and softens, even if his grip on Adam’s hand does not. “But maybe I wouldn’t have known you, and then those kind beginnings wouldn’t even be worth it.”

Caleb sighed deeply, tugging Adam’s hand closer to him, as if even in his sleep, he was scared to let go for fear of losing him.

“So I wouldn’t change a thing- because it is a precious thing, to love and be loved by you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying really hard to break this writers block, can you tell?
> 
> Sorry for the lacking quality, it'll be up to scratch soon


End file.
